The 3 Pillars of Healing

As complex human beings, healing by design is also complex. There are so many modalities and tools that we can use to help us on our journey, and they are valid and can be very powerful. But I have found on my own journey of healing, and through all the learning I have done, as well as coaching others, that there is not just one method or modality that is the cure-all for everyone, or anyone.

As complex beings, we need to pull from a variety of resources and take a more holistic approach if we are going to have lasting change and true transformation.

My goal has been to bridge the gaps of spirituality, psychology, somatic, and energy. Learning how to pull from all focuses for more complete and deeper transformations.

Through my journey of self-healing as well as learning, I have found three pillars that are essential for change, no matter what modality you use. They are:

1. Safety.

In the world of psychology we learn that the nervous system cannot heal, we cannot process past traumas, release old fears and limiting beliefs, if we are in a state of survival or activation (when the sympathetic nervous system is activated, aka when we are in a state of fight or flight).

It is only when we can calm our nervous systems and activate the parasympathetic nervous system (aka rest and digest), and get out of "survival mode", that true healing and transformation can finally take place.

Thus, the first step is to establish a sense of safety. When our nervous system can exit fight and flight, we can heal. But not until then. Not fully, and not efficiently.

2. Acceptance

"What we resist persists."

Acceptance can be the hardest step of the process because it requires us to finally look inward to our own experiences, and how those experiences actually affected us. It requires us to acknowledge our emotions and validate our feelings. All things that society and social systems have trained us to deny and dismiss.

We often spend so much time analyzing others, trying to make sense of the confusion of why someone who was supposed to love us or take care of us would ever do [that] to us. Whether it was abuse, neglect, indifference, making sense of natural disasters, or other traumas we've experienced.

Acceptance takes our focus from looking outward to looking inward.

Acceptance requires us to take center stage, to matter, and to acknowledge all the parts of us that we have exiled and dismissed in order to stay safe and survive.

Acceptance, mixing with the third pillar of self-compassion, is the step that finally says, "I matter too." And, "what happened was not ok."

It brings to light the things we've tried so hard to keep in the dark. To say, "yes that happened and I'm not going to deny it any longer."

Acceptance opens the door to healing because we are finally willing to see that there is something there to heal, and that we are finally willing to look at what needs to be healed.

3. Self-compassion

Self-compassion piggy-backs off of acceptance.

Once we accept our experiences and emotions for what they are, self-compassion enters and gives us the love, validation, and support that we needed but never received. It is a powerful tool that completes the cycle of disregulation, allowing our nervous system to process the overwhelming experiences of trauma and return to a state of safety and calm.

Self-compassion is us finally coming to rescue ourselves.

There have been many studies that show the power and efficiency that self-compassion bring to the healing process, especially around PTSD and shame.

Self compassion is key to re-parenting the inner child, doing parts work, reprogramming our limiting beliefs, quieting the inner critic, and establishing our worth so we can begin to show up in the world in all the light and power that we are. No more playing small. Through self-compassion we reclaim our worth and deserving and can step into the life that was always meant to be ours.

+++

Establishing these 3 pillars creates a foundation for powerful transformation and emotional freedom. This is the core of everything I do.

Not only because it's effective, but because it allows me to transfer the power I have to help you - to you! So that you have the power to change your own life and bring about your own deep transformations for yourself. You can step into a healthy independence and begin to build a strong relationship with yourself.

No one can do this work for you. But we can find the right people, with the right knowledge, experience, and tools, to guide and support us along the way. And that is what I'd love to do for you.

if this resonates with you, and is something you feel ready to move forward with, click here and let's chat!